Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
4 words: hood of his car
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
