Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
