i will never coherently bang her
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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