Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
