Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
