accomplished twins. life is a go
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
