Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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