he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
