how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
