i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
