dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
