My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
