she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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