I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
