Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
