Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize