This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
