Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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