this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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