I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So vagazzling was a success
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
