I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
