Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
