worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Vodka?
Forever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Randomize
