i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
