She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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