No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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