I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
