Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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