My Higher Power is John Stamos
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
