i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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