remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
