first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize