my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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