can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
