Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
