Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
