Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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