some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
