I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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