Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
