Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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