If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
