Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
