my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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