i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish i was in the wii world.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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