So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
