I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize