He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
