gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
