He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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