P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize