so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize