After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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