He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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