if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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