I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
COCAINE IS GR8
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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