I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm too high and old for this...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
