I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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