am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize