I got chris browned last night
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
