Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
