Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We have started to decorate penises.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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