the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
