i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
