just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he puts the penis in happiness.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
