Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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