My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize