I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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