singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
