Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
either way he was missing a nipple.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
