oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she told me i tasted like america
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
