i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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