I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
