you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
