I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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