Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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