There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
