Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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