Define "chronic" masturbator.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
