Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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