in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
